Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
