the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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