quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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