Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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