I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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