So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
