OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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