1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
