i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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