nut hugger
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
