We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
COCAINE IS GR8
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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