mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
As shirtless as possible
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
