Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
