The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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