He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
3pm strippers are depressing
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
