There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The air taste purple.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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