It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
how drunk are you?
Several
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
