Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This is classic penis vs brain.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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