is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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