You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
