i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
