My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
