6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
