There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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