i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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