Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
