im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
