haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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