He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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