if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Send help, water and tortillas.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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