I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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