Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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