you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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