I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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