So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
