this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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