I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
