Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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