your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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