And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wish you could order shots online.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
