I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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