I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dicks are not precious.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
