i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We need to get me chipped asap
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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