She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
