i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
