Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
