I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize