evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize