The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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