Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
