I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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