Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
