goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
