he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
